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You’re planning your wedding. There are lots of people
telling you what to do. But what about the other side of the coin? What
about the don’ts? We’ve compiled ten important wedding don’ts to keep you
clear of the pitfalls.
1. DON’T create a wedding for others at the expense of your personal
desires and responsibilities.
A wedding is an event intended to bring people together -- families,
friends, the community of people around you. But more than anything else, it
is about uniting two people together for life. As you begin planning your
wedding, try to focus on creating the kind of celebration you want, not the
one you think other people will expect you to have. Yes, it’s important to
consider other people’s feelings. Yes, symbolic gestures -- such as carrying
the same kind of flowers as your mother carried, or using your fiancé’s
grandparents’ cake topper on your cake -- will please others. But don't make
choices to please others if they will make you unhappy, and don’t spend more
than you can afford just to "keep up with the Joneses."
2. DON’T invite people just because you think you have to.
The simple truth of wedding budgeting is that each additional guest means an
increase in cost. If you have a specific budget limit (and most people do),
you reduce your ability to spend on other items each time you increase the
headcount. More guests mean fewer flowers, a less extravagant menu. Invite
those who you care about most and who are truly involved in your life. On
your wedding day, you want to be surrounded by familiar, loving smiles --
not people you barely recognize.
3. DON’T be late.
This rule applies to the bride, the groom, and everyone else involved in the
wedding. Try to start your wedding on time. If you don’t, everything will
run behind schedule, and that can create real problems at your reception
location, especially if there is another event scheduled following yours. If
locations or service people (waiters, bartenders, musicians, etc.) end up
working later than originally scheduled, you may find unpleasant overtime
charges added to your final bill. If you must delay the start of your
ceremony -- perhaps because guests are still arriving -- do so by no more
than 10 minutes.
4. DON'T worry about things going wrong.
There’s no point in panicking the morning of the wedding. Minor problems
will probably occur and no one will really even notice; if a big problem is
looming, there’s probably little that can be done about it at this point. So
why worry? Let others take care of the final details. Relax, smile, and
enjoy your special day.
5. DON’T tune out.
Some brides are so overwhelmed by wedding anxiety that they turn to
over-the-counter sedatives, prescription tranquilizers, or alcohol to calm
nerves on the big day. And then they have to wait and watch the wedding
video in order to find out what happened. Resist the temptation to medicate
yourself through the nerve-wracking final hours. You’ll want to remember
this day.
6. DON’T include things that don’t matter to you.
While observing wedding traditions can create a sense of continuity and
community at a wedding celebration, they aren't essential. You don’t have to
have a flowergirl and ringbearer if you don’t want to -- or even adult
attendants. Maybe you’re a grown-up bride who finds the garter toss ritual
embarrassing; if so, skip it. There's no law that says you can’t walk
yourself down the aisle and give yourself away. Although you should be
careful about tampering with religious rituals, feel free to create your own
traditions.
7. DON’T forget to eat.
Famished, fainting brides and grooms are a bigger problem than you might
imagine. Considering skipping breakfast so you can look svelte in your
wedding attire? Don’t. It may be your last meal of the day, and you’ll need
the energy. If jitters have your stomach in a knot, try to eat a few
saltines. As the minutes tick down to showtime, you probably won't have a
chance to grab a bite to eat. Many couples are so busy visiting with guests
at the reception that they barely get a bite of their own reception menu.
Not eating can make you cranky at the least; and cause you to faint at the
worst. In a recent survey, 36% of all honeymooners said the first thing they
did when they got to their suite after the wedding was… order room service.
Eat a meal before the wedding, and try to eat at the reception too.
8. DON’T spend too much time with any particular guest.
It may be difficult, but you should make it your goal to spend at least a
few minutes visiting with each of your wedding guests. The only way you’re
going to make it through the crowd and still do all the other things you’re
supposed to do (have your first dance, toasts, dinner, and cut the cake) is
if you push yourself to be brief with each guest. You can always circle back
later and spend some extra time with your favorite people.
9. DON’T let guests drink and drive.
You shouldn’t have to police your party, but make sure that the bartenders
and waitstaff are alert to ensuring your guests’ safety. Recruit your
groomsmen to keep their eyes on the crowd (and each other!) in case some end
up enjoying his or herself a little too much. Arm each of your groomsmen
with the phone number of a taxi service. If someone has had too much, a
groomsman can escort that person out of view and address the situation.
You’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating: take their keys. If the
party animal doesn't have a ride home, he or she should be put in a cab. It
only takes an instant for the memory of your wedding celebration to be
scarred by a tragic accident.
10. DON’T forget what it’s really all about.
Your wedding day will pass quickly. All the months of planning will be
realized in just a few short hours. Guests will ooh and aah over your
beautiful gown; they’ll marvel at the lovely flowers; they’ll enjoy the
delicious reception menu you organized so carefully. But, ultimately, all
those things are just a part of the party. A wedding is the celebration of
something much more important: the decision two people make to join together
and live their lives as one. Amidst the fanfare of your wedding day, try to
remember to take a moment or two and gaze across the crowd. Find the face of
your new spouse. Watch him or her as they enjoy the day. Share a smile
between the two of you, and commit yourself to finding a way, each and every
day, to bring those smiles back to your faces.
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